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It can be very difficult to get over the pain of losing someone even if you know that deep down they are not right for you and of course, if you have been seeing them for a long time, then it’s going to take time before the pain goes away.There are things that you can do however to make the pain ease a little and to take control back over your life.
Do your best to avoid your ex at all costsWhilst there will be a big part of you that desperately wants to meet up, just remember that these casual encounters is only going to add to the loss. If you can’t trust yourself not to beg them to come back, then delete their phone number and email address, do not turn yourself into a stalker even if your actions are only misguided. It certainly won’t do your self-esteem any good.
There is no way to avoid feeling the pain and in actual fact you should. Whilst you will feel rubbish for a while and emotionally in bits, it’s good to go through the grieving process. They may not have died but the loss is as vivid to you so allow yourself the chance to heal by letting your emotions out.
Keep yourself busy at all timesOnce you have picked yourself back up form the wallowing stage, it’s time to change tract completely and keep yourself busy at all times. Your mind might still wander back to your ex from time to time and you may still experience waves of loss sweeping over you but if you pick activities that you have always wanted to do, this will help you to keep your focus on the task at hand.
It’s good to talk to friends about your break-up because there is strength in communication and you will find that your friends can be very supportive, but as much as you want to pour your heart out to all and sundry, remember that your friends will probably need a break from talking about your long lost loved one.
Jot down your thoughtsIf you find communicating with others too difficult because your head is just a jumble of emotions and your heart is still fragmenting into a million pieces, you may find it easier to jot down your thoughts. Create an emotions diary and know that you can write down any of your emotions within its pages and that it’s a safe way to release all of the frustrations and inner angst. Writing down your feelings is a great way to unburden your innermost emotions and it’s very therapeutic.
Get rid of your memoriesGet rid of your memories by burning any love letters or giving away any gifts to family or friends. If you can’t bring yourself to do this, then package up everything and place it in a large box, hiding it at the back of a large cupboard. One day, you might enjoy going through the items but in the meanwhile, out of sight is out of mind.
Try focusing on your career for a while and don’t rush headlong into another relationship. By focusing your time and energies on your career, you may well find yourself becoming successful in your own rights and your sense of achievement will give your self-esteem a real boost. Plus by driving forward in a new direction, you are giving your own emotions a chance to heal naturally and in time, you will suddenly realise that you haven’t thought about your ex for ages and then you know that you are well and truly on the path to full recovery.
Patrick Banks is a Berlin based writer with over 5 years of experience providing dating advice. He is a fierce optimist who believes in the power of making life happen. He offers advice on dating and helpful tips to make your emotional life better at Wingman Magazine .